The Style Invitational Week 892 Get a move on

By The Empress

Saturday, October 30, 2010; C02


Rotate the Statue of Liberty 180 degrees.  -- T. Tancredo


You know those huge construction cranes that bend like fingers? How about moving two of them to each side of the Washington Monument?


This contest was suggested literally years ago by Kevin Dopart of Washington, who is rumored to have a life outside The Style Invitational but fortunately doesn't let said life get in the way of What Really Matters. Kevin was intrigued that a museum about Lizzie Borden was opening in Salem, Mass. -- which is 80 miles away from Lizzie's (and Kevin's) home town of Fall River.


Which is an admittedly tenuous lead-in to this week's contest: Change the location of something for humorous effect, as in Kevin's examples above. Provide an explanation if you wish.


Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins this handsome shower-gel dispenser that sticks to the wall of your particular ablution center. Needless to say, you squeeze the nose and collect the soap (not included, of course) from its one working nostril. Donated by Craig Dykstra.


Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 8. Put "Week 892" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published Nov. 27. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results was submitted by both Tom Witte and Roy Ashley. The honorable-mentions subhead is by Tom Witte.


Report from Week 888, in which we asked you to create eponyms, words or terms based on someone's name: Many people used the verb "rangel" to mean round up funding for a pet project.


The winner of the inker


lebronchitis, n.: Acute swelling of the ego.


(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)


2. the winner of the giant pillow made of Loser T-shirts: L'Enfant-terrible, n.: Morning rush hour in the District. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)


3. lohan-behold, v.: To look at the magazines at the supermarket checkout aisle. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)


4. Obummer!: An interjection expressing great disappointment. "Obummer! He's not really the guy I thought he was when I voted for him." (Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.)


Eponymisses: Honorable mentions


haynesworth, n.: The disastrous result of an expensive transaction: "You paid for six years of college tuition and now your son's 'promotion' is to assistant burger flipper? Well, you sure got your haynesworth." (Ernie Staples, Burtonsville; Fred Dawson, Beltsville)


maxine waters, n.: Ethical straits. "You're wading into pretty maxine waters by helping out those bank officials, congressman." (Jeff Contompasis)


rheem, v.: Teach a lesson. "D.C. teachers were rheemed by the new union contract." (Kevin Dopart, Washington)


stassin', v.: Making repeated futile bids for the presidency. Do you think Nader's serious, or is he just stassin' around? (Roy Ashley, Washington)


bristol, v.: To react with suspicion when your boyfriend is acting up. "She bristoled at his latest video." (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)


Emanuelaborer, n: One who uses a blue-collar vocabulary in a white-collar job. (Jim Richardson, Ellicott City, a First Offender)


fentysize, v: To dream that you can get reelected by ignoring your constituents. (Tony Phelps, Washington, a First Offender; Nan Reiner, Alexandria)


hef-jam, n: An orgy. (Tom Witte. Montgomery Village)


drudge, v.: Portmanteau meaning to dredge sludge. (Jeff Contompasis)


snyder, adj.: More miserly. "I never met a guy who was snyder with a dollar than your uncle." (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)


unbiden, v: To let off stress with a stream of profanity. "Relieved that the legislation had finally passed, Joe unbidened to his boss, 'This is big *&{$181}%ing deal!' " (John Kupiec, Fairfax)


limbaugh-dancing, v.: How low can you go? (Craig Dykstra)


grayed, v.: Reduced the amount of whitening. (Kevin Dopart)


whittingtonto, n.: A sidekick who takes one in the face for you. (Chris Doyle)


Heene, n.: The sound of air being let out of a balloon. (Kevin Dopart)


personal lohan, n.: Bail. (Jeff Contompasis)


kodypendent, adj.: Married to a polygamist. (Chris Doyle)


QE2, adj.: Dowdy, out of style. "Bob's grandmother came over for Thanksgiving, and OMG she's soooo QE2!" (Mae Scanlan, Washington)


January-jones, n.: Midwinter desire for a refreshing warm front. (Jeff Contompasis)


vilsack, v.: To fire an employee for no good reason. "After the vilsacking of those U.S. attorneys in 2006, some people said they ought to rename the Department of Justice." (Chris Doyle)


oprahetta, n.: A performance with an overly dramatic and extended ending. (Russell Beland)


mcnabb, v.: To pick up someone else's castoff. "The Dodgers mcnabbed Manny Ramirez to help their pennant chances." (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)


glennbeck, n: A clownish display of pathos or outrage. "When I told my 3-year-old that I wouldn't buy him the cotton candy, he threw a full-on glennbeck right in the middle of the store." (Nan Reiner; Michael Reinemer, Annandale)


reubens, v: Behaves inappropriately in a theater. "Despite the plea to curb cellphone use, Paul reubens with his BlackBerry throughout the movie." (Dion Black, Washington)


gibsonic: The sound of a noisy, irrational rant. "I saw the 1937 Reichstag speech on the History Channel last night -- totally gibsonic!" (Stephen Gold, Glasgow, Scotland)


vick, v.: To make an unforgivable mistake. "Man, he really vicked up big time -- that'll dog him forever." (Craig Dykstra)


torain, n.: Yardage on a football field. "Portis is gonna have to scramble over some rugged torain to get his job back." (Lois Douthitt, Arlington)


Kamikarzai: Suicidal behavior by a head of state. (John O'Byrne, Dublin)


feldman-eyes, n.: One's most remarkable physical feature. "J.Lo's feldman-eyes are most obvious when she's walking away." (Craig Dykstra)


Next week: Tour de Fours 7, or PEOLogisms