The Style Invitational Week 889 Tour de Fours VII

By The Empress

Saturday, October 9, 2010; C02


Pupelo: The Mississippi village where Elvis's Hound Dog came from.


For no reason at all except that we haven't used an O or a P in the previous six runnings of this annual contest: Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters P, O, L and E, as in the example above by Renaissance Man Bob Staake Himself. It has to be a new word (or hyphenated compound), not a new definition for a well-known existing word.


Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins this handsome squeaky dog toy in the shape of a typical bikini-wearing poultry carcass that seems to have two unfortunate polyps in the breast meat. Perhaps the best thing about it is the name of the product, Baking Beauties. Donated by Craig Dykstra, whose beagle Daisy sensibly would have nothing to do with it.


Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Oct. 18. Put "Week 889" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published Nov. 6. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised titles for next week's results are by Chris Doyle and Craig Dykstra, respectively. The honorable-mentions subhead is by Gary Crockett; the headline for the Web-only supplement ("Bank reserves") is by Kevin Dopart.


Report from Week 885,  in which we asked you to reinterpret the meaning of a Washington Post headline by writing a "bank head" under it: Among the heads too frequently submitted -- they were just too easy: "New bore reaches 33 trapped miners" ("Limbaugh takes over rescue shift from Gore"); "FDA rules won't require salmon labels" ("Coral, pale rose deemed close enough").


The winner of the Inker


Saudis may get huge arms deal

Landmark 'oil for spinach' accord signed (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)


2. winner of the dispenser full of actual red tape:

He surprises even himself

National peekaboo champion reveals grueling training program (Kevin Dopart, Washington)


3. Baltimore honors late rocker Frank Zappa with bust

Heirs question 'honor' of posthumous pot arrest (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station)


4. These Redskins are as entertaining as they are unpredictable

Excerpts published from just-discovered Custer diary (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)


Undercapitalized banks: Honorable mentions


In back-to-school speech, Obama implores students to 'dream big'

Gingrich: President tells kids to sleep in class (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)


Essence of the D.C. sound

Siren and car-alarm festival starts today (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase)


Government targets inmate's filings

Vows crackdown on cakes from Mom (Ira Allen, Bethesda)


$250 fine for distracted drivers in Va.

In fact, most say they'd be they'd be happy getting half that much (Russell Beland, Fairfax)


You call this camping?

New soldiers in Afghanistan learn that recruiters might have misled them a bit (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)


Imposing talent

What it takes to compete in the Brother-in-Law America pageant (Kevin Dopart)


County exec facing new sex charges

Thought he was 'all paid up' with hooker (Rich Abdill, College Park, a First Offender)


Musician behind 'Hot Hot Hot'

Second violinist voted 'best buns' by Philharmonic (Rick Haynes, Potomac)


Brown leads Orange in chairman race

'What a relief to get beyond that whole white/black thing,' mayor notes (Elden Carnahan)


More alcohol-related hospital trips

New liquor concession in ER spurs increase in visitors (Jim Exnicios, Manassas)


Is George Mitchell in the Middle East, or Northern Ireland?

We don't have so many foreign correspondents anymore, so please let us know (Ken Gallant, Conway, Ark.)


With autumn, a rush of arresting lesser-knowns

Most A-list celebs already in jail (Gary Crockett; Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)


British archaeologists find remnants of a house dating back to the Stone Age

Mailbox marked 'Fl ntst n-' intrigues scientists (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)


A week without Facebook? Pennsylvania college tries it out

'Things seemed pretty much the same,' reports Amish Institute (Michael Simon, Potomac, a First Offender)


Spaceflight program is now NASA's albatross

Shuttle replacement features large wingspan, low fuel costs (David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.)


Exhumation confirms that Marine was buried in correct Arlington plot

'Sooner or later, someone had to be,' says cemetery official (Russell Beland)


GOP plans to replace health-care overhaul if it controls Congress, but with what is unclear

'Death' cited as one option (John O'Byrne, Dublin)


Jets bounce back

Boeing's new Silly Putty fuselage deemed a success in crash tests (Craig Dykstra)


Independence edges Freedom in OT

Benign Dictatorship Runs Distant Third (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)


Miss Manners: Keep it loose for tea parties

Spandex frowned upon at Beck/Palin rally (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)


Head-scratching follows head-spinning on 'Oprah'

New sweeps-month stunts fall flat (Steve Honley, Washington)


Pumpkin launched more than a mile

-- Tajikistan space program advances (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)

-- Search continues for beloved pet after hamster wheel accident (Craig Dykstra)


And last: The offensive output is no passing fancy

The Style Invitational celebrates its 18th year (Beverley Sharp, Washington)


Even more bank heads.


Next week: Look both ways, or Laff Offal, or Trope Report


Bank Reserves: More honorable-mention bank headlines from Week 885 of The Style Invitational


It's corn syrup by another name

Experts unable to explain continuing popularity of 'Two and a Half Men' (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase)


An election in Japan

Viagra proves a big hit in the Far East (Rick Haynes, Potomac)


Warren expected to be adviser

Vanity must have made actor think he'd be consulted on Carly's lyrics (Russell Beland, Fairfax)


Fairness of woman's sentence challenged

'He never puts the lid down' not entirely true, mediator rules (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)


More Subtle Tack on Afghan Graft

Grandma crochets new patch on baby blanket, removes daughter-in-law's staple-gun fix (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis, a First Offender)


Independence edges Freedom in OT

Linguists reveal word counts for Holy Bible (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)


'Delusions of Gender' argues that faulty science is furthering sexism

Lady author has 338-page hissy fit (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)


3 yards and a cloud of smoke

Neighbors on both sides fume over townhouse resident's pig roast (Mae Scanlan, Washington)


Republicans rethink '12 playbook

Reelection may have been fluke for Taft, analysts say (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn; Mark Richardson, Washington)


Obama and the right to burn books

President's joint action with radical conservatives infuriates left (Ira Allen, Bethesda)


No one can make any sense of what went down

Doctors flummoxed by sudden failure of Levitra (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)


Pepco readies new technology

Plans to sell smokeless candles to customers during outages (Jim Reagan, Herndon)


Metro pulls buses after Beltway fire

Safety concerns down since Clydesdale deployment, but manure complaints up (Kevin Dopart, Washington; Andy Wolodkin, Frostburg, Md.)


Raising our glasses to the return of school

Age-old defense tactic against schoolyard bullies (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)


Battlefield keeps its streak alive

Pickett's Charge reenactors fail to take ridge for 147th consecutive time (Elden Carnahan)


Chunky sweaters

Brawny laborers prove unpopular indoors (Tom Murphy, Bowie)


Nice top floor, but it's not top-drawer

More NFL players assess reporter Ines Sainz's cleavage (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)


Speed-hump fight ends in death

Unsatisfied, woman shoots lover (Chris Doyle)


(The headline for this list is by Kevin Dopart.)