The Style Invitational Week 886 Look both ways
By The Empress
Saturday, September 18, 2010; C02
DOPI IPOD: An MP3 player with a bong app for enhanced music appreciation.
KRAPARK: Dog "recreation" area.
NIPPIN: Placeholder after a new piercing.
This one, we think, is going to be a challenge: Give us a new term that's a palindrome -- i.e., it's spelled the same in both directions -- and define it, as in the examples above by Bob Staake and by 141-time Loser Craig Dykstra, who suggested this contest. While we sometimes bend the rules a bit on contests, it really has to be a palindrome, not a sort-of palindrome. Note that the term may use existing words or be a word you make up, as long as it's clever, funny, etc. What we like.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins a very strange marionette of a fluffy pink animal whose head is an elephant and whose body is sort of like a cartoon cat's, with vertical stature and nice long humanoid legs and arms. It also has a bright pink tail that, we found, can end up, when the puppet's strings are jiggled, on the front side of the marionette, making it look less like a tail and more like a, well, non-tail. Donated by Loser Dave Prevar, who wrested it away from a little girl at a craft fair.
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (FirStink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to email@example.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Sept. 27. Put "Week 886" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published Oct. 16. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results (more entries from previous contests) is by Jeff Contompasis; this week's honorable-mentions subhead is by Tom Witte.
Report from Week 883: Our perennial contest in which we presented you with a random list of items and asked how any two of them were alike or different:
The winner of the Inker
The difference between a dental appointment and a Real Housewife of D.C.: For one you use a phone to make it; the other uses a moan to fake it. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
2. winner of the book "Five People Who Died During Sex, and 100 Other Terribly Tasteless Lists": The difference between a dental appointment and the Nobel Prize: Sometimes you have to wait for a dental appointment. -- B. Obama, Washington (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)
3. Water balloons vs. the New York Yankees: No matter how many needles you stick in them, or how big you pump them up, the Yankees never actually explode. (Steve Offutt, Arlington)
4.A dental appointment vs. a Real Housewife of D.C.: For the first, the problem might be TMJ; for the other, it tends to be TMI. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Wit's the difference: Honorable mentions
Montezuma's revenge and Arlington National Cemetery: With the first, you lose it over and over and you feel you're going to die. With the second, you die and then they lose you over and over. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
School lunches and Gulf Coast beaches: Both are covered in toxic, government-subsidized grease. (N.G. Andrews, Portsmouth, Va.)
The New York Yankees: Seats sold by A-Rod. Illinois: Seat sold by a Rod. (May Jampathom, Oakhurst, N.J.)
School lunches and a Real Housewife of D.C.: One is often given away and the other is often kept. (Craig Dykstra)
At Arlington you're enthralled by the stones; with Montezuma's revenge you're installed by the thrones. (Craig Dykstra)
Venn diagrams and Montezuma's revenge: Together, they help explain "null and void." (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
A Real Housewife of D.C. and Arlington National Cemetery: In both cases, no one was checking IDs at the gate. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
Illinois and Arlington National Cemetery: Fixing things will take someone who knows where the bodies are buried. (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church)
A dental appointment: Laughing gas. A Real Housewife of D.C.: Gaffe-ing lass. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Chicken lo mein and a dental appointment: With either, you try to avoid it if you're a chicken. (Craig Dykstra)
Montezuma's revenge and Arlington National Cemetery: One includes cramps; the other, Gramps. (Kevin Dopart)
Montezuma's revenge and a Real Housewife of D.C.: If those were his only two choices, Obama probably still wouldn't welcome the Real Housewife to a state dinner. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
The Nobel Prize and a Real Housewife of D.C.: By the rules, neither can be shared by more than three people. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
The difference between a dental appointment and the Nobel Prize is that several Englishmen have Nobel Prizes. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
The difference between school lunches and Montezuma's revenge: About two hours. (Art Grinath; Craig Dykstra)
An Elizabethan sonnet and a Real Housewife of D.C.: With the Real Housewife, nobody's comparing her to a summer's day. To Summer's Eve, maybe. (John Kupiec, Fairfax)
Arlington National Cemetery and your friend's nose: They're both tasteless places to picket. (Joshua Kaplowitz, Arlington)
Your friend's nose is like an Elizabethan sonnet: Both will be finished after 14 lines. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
The New York Yankees and Montezuma's revenge: With either, stained pants are a good indication of a day with lots of runs. (Kevin Dopart)
School lunches and Gulf Coast beaches: With the first, the sandwich stinks; with the other, it's the sand which stinks. (Kevin Dopart; Mae Scanlan)
School lunches and Arlington National Cemetery: Each contains items labeled with expiration dates. (Kevin Dopart)
Venn diagrams are like a Real Housewife of D.C. in that you're hoping that the subjects touch each other so you can learn more about them. (Jim Reagan, Herndon)
Next week: Left-Oeuvres