The Style Invitational Week 876 Oilies but Goodies

By The Empress

Saturday, July 3, 2010; C02


To the tune of "Under the Sea," sung by a shrimp:


They say there'll be no fish slaughter, that they'll make my home pristine.

But how can they clean the water when they can't keep their restrooms clean?


-- from the Capitol Steps' "Under BP," by Richard Paul


This week: Write lyrics somehow related to the oil spill, set to an existing tune. We almost always print more songs on than we have room for in the print paper; on the Web, we can include a link to the melody, but the ones we publish in the Style section have to be set to very well known tunes.


Winner gets the Inker, the Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets a very neat roll of packing tape that is clear except for the continuous column of human vertebrae running down the middle. And this is . . . This Is Spinal Tape. Donated by Loser Jeff Contompasis, who once gave us a device that turned a hot dog into an octopus.


Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July 12. Put "Week 876" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published July 31. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Craig Dykstra; this week's honorable-mentions subhead is by Jeff Contompasis.


Report from Week 872, in which you were asked to combine the beginnings of someone's first and last names to create a new, pertinent term: Numerous Losers came up with "Algo: The former veep's last words to Tipper," "Jelo: One who jiggles in the right places" (Jennifer Lopez) and "Sico: Someone who derives a perverse satisfaction in humiliating others" (Simon Cowell).


The winner of the Inker


TiWo: that new technology that allows you to replay your life without embarrassing moments (Tiger Woods). (Cliff Kellogg, a First Offender)


2. the dress custom-made from two Loser T-shirts: Marvosa: A disorder in which someone continually describes himself as a genius despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary (Marilyn Vos Savant). (Dion Black, Washington)


3. Jacam: A new moviemaking device that does away with the need for actors (James Cameron). (John O'Byrne, Dublin)


4.Charkra: An esoteric concept of rightness in some Eastern sects, considered a key on the path to true smugness (Charles Krauthammer). (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)


Deeper Cleavage: Honorable Mentions


Adrif: where many politicians find themselves after their political honeymoon ends (Adrian Fenty). (Cliff Kellogg)


Levistra: A brand of high-rise jeans (Levi Strauss). (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)


Helth: A state of outliving your common sense (Helen Thomas). (Ward Kay, Vienna)


CaCl: Smelling salts (Cassius Clay). (Alba Frias, Silver Spring, a First Offender)


Rumur: What counts as news on Fox News (Rupert Murdoch). (Lois Douthitt, Arlington)


Scowel: A jaded individual who doesn't like much of anything (Simon Cowell). (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)


Drec: The lowest form of comedy (Drew Carey). (Jacki Moonves, North Hollywood, Calif.)


Nadcoma: A painful balance beam injury (Nadia Comaneci). (Randy Lee, Burke)


Ala-mo: Something that was once deemed important, but now seems mostly forgettable (Alanis Morrisette). (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)


Vlaput: What you'll be if you irritate the Russian government enough. "After writing about Chechen separatists, the journalists mysteriously went vlaput" (Vladimir Putin). (Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)


Barmani: The not-so-chic suits worn by tacky piano players. (Barry Manilow) (Ron Jackson, Chevy Chase)


Riminix: Pest company specializing in leaving bugs (Richard Milhous Nixon). (Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)


Geospat: A territorial squabble among generals who are all supposedly on the same side (George S. Patton). (Brendan Beary)


Hevi: Loaded down with wives (Henry VIII). (Christopher Jones, Vienna)


Rongo: The opposite of the right place at the right time (Ron Goldman). (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village; Randy Lee)


Wammo: A stroke of genius (Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart). (Tom Witte)


BP-Otter: Peter Rabbit's very sick friend (Beatrix Potter). (Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)


Joeb: Someone the White House suffers (Joe Biden). (Kevin Dopart, Washington)


Jen-lope: Distinctive walk of the ample-bootied (Jennifer Lopez). (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)


Rosper: To be rich but unelectable (Ross Perot). (Jim Reagan, Herndon)


Mahmah: The grating cry of the Iranian cuckoo (Mahmoud Ahmadinejad). (Judith Cottrill, New York)


Dollpart: A body feature that is disproportionately sized, e.g. Barbie's chest (Dolly Parton). (Craig Dykstra)


Charma: A dangerous man with an inexplicable charisma (Charles Manson). (Doug Frank)


Dorp: A girl who needs glasses (Dorothy Parker). (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)


Bao: To accept praise graciously for something you haven't accomplished but hope to someday (Barack Obama). (Steve Glomb, Alexandria)


Emur: A bird that used to fly spectacularly high but now tends to just lay eggs (Eddie Murphy). (Dion Black)


Neging: Acting as the Party of No (Newt Gingrich). (Ken Gallant, Conway, Ark.)


J-La: Someone with a really nice butt, especially for someone who's 95 years old (Jack LaLanne). (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)


Christ-hit: A diatribe against religion (Christopher Hitchens). (Mae Scanlan, Washington)


Lobob: A style of cut that involves removal of the head (Lorena Bobbitt). (Mark Barbour, Fairfax, a First Offender)


Merrilly: How Wall Street spends bailout money (Merrill Lynch). (Russell Beland, Fairfax)


Johmon: A food item made with slices of bread and some kind of filling inside (John Montagu, fourth Earl of Sandwich). (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)


And last: Rubel: The approximate worth of several hundred Loser magnets on the black market (Russell Beland). (Laurie Brink)


Next Week: Back to Square 1A, or Boxing Match