The Style Invitational Week 870: 'Jeopardy!' with Googlenopes

By The Empress

Saturday, May 22, 2010; C02


-- "Avoid these potty training missteps" (Drew Bennett)


-- "My condolence card to Bernie Madoff" (Stephen Dudzik)


-- "A Luddite visionary" (Dave Zarrow)


-- "The ruly and gruntled mob" (Russell Beland)


-- "Dick Cheney at his cuddliest" (Phil Frankenfeld)


-- "The Westboro Baptist commitment ceremony" (Anne Paris)


-- "More awesome than a meal of road-kill possum" (Peter Metrinko)


-- "Tildes, umlauts and schwas" (Craig Dykstra)


-- "Tattoos your mom will love" (Judy Blanchard)


-- "E. coli puns" (Mark Richardson)


-- "Larry King workout DVD" (Chris Doyle)


Last week we posted dozens of Googlenopes -- phrases that yielded that "no results found" icon when you Googled them. The Empress is renowned for refusing to waste anything but time, and so we now venture back into the entry pool to use some other G'nopes as "answers" in our perennial "Jeopardy"-type contest.


This week: Describe any of the above phrases in the form of a question.


Direct from Hawaii, a really rockin' Obama dashboard doll -- in Hawaiian garb (plus maybe the nuclear football hanging from his belt) but oddly stocky in build, as if he's been gobbling poi. This isn't a bobblehead but a bobbletorso: The whole upper body is on a spring. Brought back for us by Loser Beverley Sharp.


Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Tuesday, June 1. Put "Week 870" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published June 19. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Craig Dykstra; this week's honorable-mentions subhead is by Tom Witte.


Report From Week 866, in which we asked for two overlapping names, or a name overlapping with another word or expression (the spellings of the overlapping part of the names didn't have to be identical):


The winner of the Inker


Mike Tyson Chicken:


"Mmm, tastes just like ear!" (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)


2. the winner of the battery-operated Loser Liquor Dispenser:


Edgar Allan Popeil: Quoth the Raven, "Wait, there's more!" (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)


3. T.S. Eliot Spitzer: He dared. (Seth Tucker, Washington, a First Offender)


4. Harry S. Truman Capote: The sign on his desk says, "Young bucks, stop here!" (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)


Mal-Amalgrams: Honorable Mentions


Nicolas Sarkozymandias: "Look on my wife, ye mighty, and despair!" (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)


Brigitte Bardotcom: Early Internet provider of topless pictures. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)


William Blake Edwards: Known for the famous poem "Panthyr! Panthyr! Burning Pink." (Lawrence McGuire)


Ben Roethlisberger King: C'mon, you know you want it my way. (Mike Gips, Bethesda)


Jason Campbell Soup: Freshly canned. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville; Kevin Dopart, Washington)


Humphrey Bogart Carney: He often played an underworld figure. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)


J. Edgar Hooversace: Designer specializing in men's evening gowns. (Mae Scanlan)


Captain Morgan Freeman: Starred in "Driving Miss Daisy to Drink." (Craig Dykstra)


Emily Post-Apocalypse: She advises you which of your three new arms you should use to hold the cocktail fork at the Nuclear Winter Ball. (Leighanne Mazure, Forest Hills, N.Y, a First Offender)


Sally Field Marshal Goering: The Flying Hun. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)


RuPaul Newman: Star of "Cool Hand Lucy." (Roy Ashley, Washington)


Babe Ruth Buzzi: Hit 714 home runs with her purse. (Eric Sorensen, Washington, a First Offender)


Sugar Ray Leonardo da Vinci: He puts guys down on canvas. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)


John Deere John: I've decided our neighbor's grass is greener, so . . . (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring)


Stephen Strasburg, Va.: Where the speed limit is 101 mph (80 on curves). (Eric Sorensen)


Chippendale Earnhardt: The dancer with sponsor logos on his G-string. (Pam Sweeney)


Weird Al Sharpton: Al Sharpton. (Craig Dykstra)


Brooks Robinson Crusoe: Baltimore Oriole who was stranded at third base for 20 years. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)


Eleanor Holmes Norton AntiVirus: Supposedly there to serve an important purpose, but mostly just slows down the system. (Brendan Beary)


Helen Thomas Jefferson: She's worked out of the White House since 1801. (Chris Doyle)


Nicorette Butler: Gum-smacking gambler in "Gone With the Winstons." (Chris Doyle)


Maya Angelou Ferrigno: Stopped singing and busted outta the damn cage. (Lois Douthitt, Arlington)


James Joyce Kilmer: Wrote "A Portrait of the Artist as a Sapling." (Marleen May, Rockville)


The New Yorkermit the Frog: It isn't easy being smarter than everyone. (Bill Spencer, Cockeysville, Md.)


Norman Chad Ochocinco: Sports columnist/poker announcer who changes his surname each time he remarries. (Pam Sweeney)


Betsy Ross Perot: Thirteen stars, thirteen stripes, simple as that. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)


Cialis in Wonderland: Just swallow it and grow. (John Cogburn, Southlake, Tex.)


Lady GaGandhi: One hot Mahatma. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)


T.S. Eliot Spitzer: Poet who penned the immortal lines: "In the room the women come and go/That's how you find a high-priced ho." (Anne Paris Hilton, Arlington)


Robert the Bruce Springsteen: Born to Rune. (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)


Burt Ward 8: Wholly forgotten and neglected. (Jeff Contompasis)


Martha Stewart Smalley: TV personality who's good enough, and smart enough, but gosh darn it, people don't like her. (Seth Tucker)


Mr. T Party: "I pity these fools." (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)


Barney Frankly My Dear: Don't ask. Don't tell. Don't care. (Mike Anderson, Billings, Mont.)


Through the Looking-Glass Menagerie: A bread-and-butterfly, a walrus, walking oysters, the March Hare and a unicorn [crash] oops, a horse. (Randy Lee, Burke)


Joe Biden His Time: Waiting for a big &*{$181}%ing deal. (Ron Nessen, Bethesda)


Mack Sennett Majority Leader Harry Reid: Director of a bunch of clowns. (Peter Metrinko, Gainesville)


Lenny Bruce Wayne: What, are you dense? Who the hell do you think he is? He's the &%*@# Batman. (Randy Lee)


Janis Ian Fleming: Creator of the famous spy 017. (Peter Metrinko)


The Washington Post-it Note: The print newspaper in 2020. (Jeff Loren, Manassas)


Next week: Back in the saddle, or Mare-Go-Round